WMAF (white male asian female)

Growing up in Vancouver, there features a significant East Asian immigrant population, specifically I’m talking about first-generation where families have immigrated while the kids were still young, but the parents were not — much like my case.

Recently, we’ve had two sets of Chinese family friends come for dinner that fit this description, that also have kids in their thirties. Within both sets, there is significant conflict between the parents and their kids on the topic of their significant others, so much so that within both sets of family friends, the parents cut communication altogether with their child’s significant others at some point or the other (With one excommunication still ongoing). Notably, both children are daughters, and both significant others are not Asian.

Still with me? Thanks…

I think it is an interesting phenomenon in a lot of ways. Firstly, cross-cultural relationships are still relatively new concepts, such that terms like WMAF are able to emerge and fulfill a role that no other word previously did. In this sense, a lot of norms and archetypes have not been established. I guess especially for the Chinese diaspora where everything was, and is extremely insulated.

Within this, what I find maybe most interesting is the generational difference. These parents immigrated for their kids to have a better life, but in-turn are surprised when their kids assimilate to Western culture, and their beliefs start to drastically contradict their own to a point where it cannot be consolidated. The parents are way past the point where they can change, and through conversations there is a strong sensation that the parents are left behind. It’s a really curious thing to observe: at the dinner table everyone is speaking in English to accommodate their daughter’s partners, while the parents are sitting quietly as they don’t feel confident in their English to contribute. Or, a conversation in Chinese is cut through by the daughter translating for her partner, trying to maintain as much of the cultural context on top of the literal meanings.

I don’t know. I think on a much grander scale, these cultures are still figuring out how they fit into each other, and it manifests itself through things like this. Throughout it all though, it is clear how much love there is between the parents and their kids — one family has resorted to family therapy, without much avail. It is hard to capture in its entirety how clearly the parents are trying to maintain a bond with their daughters, and vice versa.

I’m still young and pruney, so I get to watch these things play out with a healthy level of detachment and convince myself that I won’t end up in similar shoes.

It is so precarious to say anything about the immigrant experience, because 1. It’s a topic done to death so its practically impossible to say anything new about it, and 2. It is so difficult to verbalize it to its full extent. I also, like am not a humanities student nor do I write frequently.

That’s all! Sleep well, or Good Morning ❤️ Coco

Fjodor Aleksejevs

Cool!

In October 1911, Asquith appointed Churchill First Lord of the Admiralty, and he took up official residence at Admiralty House. He created a naval war staff and, over the next two and a half years, focused on naval preparation, visiting naval stations and dockyards, seeking to improve morale, and scrutinising German naval developments. After Germany passed its 1912 Naval Law to increase warship production, Churchill vowed that for every new German battleship, Britain would build two. He invited Germany to engage in a mutual de-escalation, but this was refused.

Churchill pushed for higher pay and greater recreational facilities for naval staff, more submarines, and a renewed focus on the Royal Naval Air Service, encouraging them to experiment with how aircraft could be used for military purposes. He coined the term “seaplane” and ordered 100 to be constructed. Some Liberals objected to his level of naval expenditure; in December 1913 he threatened to resign if his proposal for 4 new battleships in 1914–15 was rejected. In June 1914, he convinced the House of Commons to authorise the government purchase of a 51% share in the profits of the Anglo-Persian Oil Company, to secure oil access for the navy.

The central issue in Britain was Irish Home Rule and, in 1912, Asquith’s government introduced the Home Rule Bill. Churchill supported it and urged Ulster Unionists to accept it as he opposed the Partition of Ireland. Concerning the possibility of partition, Churchill stated: “Whatever Ulster’s right may be, she cannot stand in the way of the whole of the rest of Ireland. Half a province cannot impose a permanent veto on the nation. Half a province cannot obstruct forever the reconciliation between the British and Irish democracies”. Speaking in the House of Commons on 16 February 1922, Churchill said: “What Irishmen all over the world most desire is not hostility against this country, but the unity of their own”. Following a Cabinet decision, he boosted the naval presence in Ireland to deal with any Unionist uprising. Seeking a compromise, Churchill suggested Ireland remain part of a federal UK, but this angered Liberals and Irish nationalists.

Sent from Outlook for Android

Karin Samokovlisky

churchill aside and maybe generalizing a bit too much away from east asian immigrant population:

it seems that there are stages to immigration. we are at a place where we can pass through the stages in our lifetime while in the past (parents) the stages were generational. debates about assimilation aside, it seems to me that the immigrant experience will always be about wanting to belong and be able to blend into the community, but never fully being able to: even in societies where immigration is normal and accepted (i think of ‘murica here) the immigrants will always be immigrants, and will always have this other culture and tradition they will carry with them and be viewed through the lens of. then there’s this crazy tension between pride in your identity and hate of it, it would be much easier not to be this but i’m also very glad i have these aspects of myself and this lived experience (speaking in first person to illustrate the feeling but also accurate to my own feelings lol).

it seems that the parents are stuck at a crossroads, having come to terms and settled in their stage of immigration, but the kids wanting to push forward and through that forcing the parents into uncomfortable territory.

a family trying out therapy sounds fascinating to me, surely the “american” therapeutic values of individuality and self empowerment would clash here, do you think this is the case? i hope the kids don’t grow too resentful of their parents but i also don’t blame them if they do. i never know which “side” to take, not that there has to be one, but both feel very fair in their positions, and just as incompatible.

this is so interesting! very enjoy hearing of your experiences dearest coco. hope the lower case bad punctuation here isn’t too maddening

Get Outlook for iOS